Devia fishes 2 glasses out of the food container she brought with her, and finds the bottle she had promised to have ready, setting them out on the table of the camp. "I wonder why he wants or needs to see me so badly" she says out loud to herself as she sets the items down and covers them to prevent dirt or bugs from settling on the surfaces.
Shrugging slightly, she goes back to her chair and lets the warmth from the Dantooine primary soak into her skin again, relaxing her and soothing some recent muscle aches and injuries from her training. She lets her mind drift back to the urgency and regret in his mind voice. To her surprise, she felt the muscle tension across his shoulders even when they were a light year away from each other. "How can I feel that from him?" she thinks to herself. "It's almost like we have a bond between us." her face scrunches a bit in concentration/confusion. "No... that can't be it.. we haven't made a point to forge that bond.." she lets the thought trail off as she feels something suddenly block the sun's rays from touching her skin. A quick mindtouch prevents her from lunging for her weapon... it's Noel.
"Hello there, Noel." She says with a smile without opening her eyes. "Drinks are on the table. Go grab them and them come sit down with me in the sun?" Devia feels a slight pressure from Noel's mind against hers... as if he was searching for something in her mind, like a mental nudge to make sure she was okay. She can feel him smile slightly, even though his whole mind tone was one of worry and regret. Sounds of the stopper being pulled out, the sloshing sounds of liberal amounts of liquid pouring into the glasses, and then the stopper being pushed back in.
"You look like you're enjoying yourself there, Dev." Noel says as he hands her a glass. Devia pats the chair next to her and says, "Have a seat.. you look like you really need to talk." She gives him a soft smile. "What's bothering you, Noel?"
"As I told you earlier... I'm a Monster. I just wanted to make sure you knew it." Noel started quietly, staring at his glass. "I'm not sorry I did what I did, I had to, the permutations they represented and all the lives they would have destroyed." His voice betrayed his true feelings somewhat, but he continues, "I know I'll keep seeing their faces in my dreams, and I will be living with the consequence... it's part of paying the price.. part of keeping the balance."
Devia smiles gently at him and shakes her head. "As I said before you got here, Noel.. you are no more a monster than I am." she takes his hand and squeezes softly. "We know that there's a cost, we understand the balance. We don't do things just to do them.. We allow others to choose, and we live by a Code. Not one that many would understand, but a Code nonetheless."
Noel nods slowly, letting her words sink in, and his face and posture relaxes a bit. Devia sees it and smiles, then continues on, "Maybe that's why we don't let ourselves
find true happiness and peace." She finds herself staring at him, becomes accutely aware of his Presence in her mind, close in proximity, clouding her mind, she could even feel their hearts start to beat in the same rythym. Her shields were up, but he managed to get through them, they were in total synch with each other, and the realization of that fact stunned her.
She thought to herself, in what she thought was the private area of her mind. "I just want to be with you Noel.. I... love you. I always have.. I want to give a part of my life to you... but I don't know how you would feel about that." His head suddenly raised up, and he was searching her face for something. "Wow, did he hear me?" Devia thought to herself nervously.
They talked about his life, about her life, things that happened, things they wanted. It was another good talk, and it was apparent to both that they were walking the same path. She found herself saying, "I wish you would let me help you. Help you with your fights, with your teaching... with anything you need.."
Noel smiled gently, and then said, "If what we're talking about is what we're talking about... you should know I have prior vows which I can't break... I have godchildren, a family, the only one I've ever known... how fair would it be trying to build a life together when I might have to go die for them?" Devia could feel the anguish in his heart, it was breaking as he was asking the question. She was stunned once again.. He loved her!! It was as obvious as the expression on his face, he loved her!
Tears started to roll down Devia's tattooed cheek as she gazed at the man in front of her. "Noel.." She whispered. "I love you. I've always loved you, I just wasn't ready to accept it before." Her tears are flowing freely now, "I will love anything you love, help you protect anything important to you. Just let me stand by your side as a partner and be your love."
He just sat there, expressionless for a few moments, blinking in stunned amazement. Then emotion started to play across his features as he started rummaging through his pack, bring out his sabacc pouch. Devia could hear the sound of something clinking together, which was odd, the sound was metallic, not what you would expect to hear. He reached inside and pulled something out, but she could not see what it was, it was hidden in his grasp.
He set his glass down, and got up off his chair and walked in front of her..
Then he kneeled down in front of her.. "No... he doesn't mean that?" Devia thought to herself.
He asked her to marry him... right then and there... and there was only one thought in Devia's mind. Only one word formed... but it was the only one that mattered.
... "Yes." ...
Confessions on a Sunny Day, Part 2
Friday, February 24, 2006
Confessions on a Sunny Day, Part 1
Sunday, February 19, 2006
Devia turns off the engine on her BARC speeder, and slides out of the seat, landing on the ground with a soft thump. Looking around at the familiar area, she sets up a small day camp of a comfortable chair, a cooling unit with food and drink in it, and another case filled with all the holo novels that she had collected, yet hadn't had the time to read.
The day was exceptionally warm for Autumn, the sun shone warmly on her skin as she puts on her eye protection and sits back in the chair, allowing the rays to warm her skin and relax her muscles. "I could get so used to this." She whispers to herself. "I remember doing this once in a while.. but it was more to get my Children out into the wild a bit, to let them stretch their legs. It's never a good idea to take a wild animal and keep them indoors all the time... they get... jumpy."
She feels a sharp pang of loss at the thought of the loss of her Children, but she quickly closes her eyes and turns within, breathing deep, starting her meditation rituals. "so to center... so to ground... balance comes" she whispers as her mediation mantra. Her body visibly relaxes as her training takes over. Before she opens her eyes, she sends a silent thought along the Force to those she has lost. Reaching down and picking up one of the holonovels , she sits back in the chair again and starts to read.
Suddenly the book drops from her hands and she sits bolt upright as a familiar presence brushes against her mind... familiar, however this time, it was full of remorse and self loathing, which was quite a shock.
*Noel? Is that you?*
*Dev... where are you?*
*I'm on Dantooine, in my usual day camp spot, enjoying the sunshine and treating myself to a completely lazy day. Where are you?*
*On my way to you. I need to... I need to talk to you.*
*Okay, I'll be here. Anything you want to talk about as you travel?*
Noel procedes to tell Devia about what had transpired on Talus.. the rampage he went on, killing 600 Troopers. Being stopped short by the 501st Garrison. "I'm a monster" he tells her. "I do evil things. Evil, but necessary things."
"You're no more a monster than I am, Noel. I've done my share of thinning out of the Snowflake herd myself. The less there are of those... people ... the better. Fewer people that can opress all the other races and people on countless planets." She uses her mind and her words to talk to him, to draw him out of the circle of hurt... just as she has done before, just as he has done for her before on countless occasions.
*I've just landed on the planet, I'll be out to you as soon as I can.*
*I'll have a drink ready for you when you get here, Noel.*
The day was exceptionally warm for Autumn, the sun shone warmly on her skin as she puts on her eye protection and sits back in the chair, allowing the rays to warm her skin and relax her muscles. "I could get so used to this." She whispers to herself. "I remember doing this once in a while.. but it was more to get my Children out into the wild a bit, to let them stretch their legs. It's never a good idea to take a wild animal and keep them indoors all the time... they get... jumpy."
She feels a sharp pang of loss at the thought of the loss of her Children, but she quickly closes her eyes and turns within, breathing deep, starting her meditation rituals. "so to center... so to ground... balance comes" she whispers as her mediation mantra. Her body visibly relaxes as her training takes over. Before she opens her eyes, she sends a silent thought along the Force to those she has lost. Reaching down and picking up one of the holonovels , she sits back in the chair again and starts to read.
Suddenly the book drops from her hands and she sits bolt upright as a familiar presence brushes against her mind... familiar, however this time, it was full of remorse and self loathing, which was quite a shock.
*Noel? Is that you?*
*Dev... where are you?*
*I'm on Dantooine, in my usual day camp spot, enjoying the sunshine and treating myself to a completely lazy day. Where are you?*
*On my way to you. I need to... I need to talk to you.*
*Okay, I'll be here. Anything you want to talk about as you travel?*
Noel procedes to tell Devia about what had transpired on Talus.. the rampage he went on, killing 600 Troopers. Being stopped short by the 501st Garrison. "I'm a monster" he tells her. "I do evil things. Evil, but necessary things."
"You're no more a monster than I am, Noel. I've done my share of thinning out of the Snowflake herd myself. The less there are of those... people ... the better. Fewer people that can opress all the other races and people on countless planets." She uses her mind and her words to talk to him, to draw him out of the circle of hurt... just as she has done before, just as he has done for her before on countless occasions.
*I've just landed on the planet, I'll be out to you as soon as I can.*
*I'll have a drink ready for you when you get here, Noel.*
Back to being a student, even after being judged a Master.
Saturday, February 18, 2006
Devia curls up on the couch in front of the fireplace in her bedroom, her hands curled around a mug of hot Chava. Her hair is still damp from the shower, her robe wrapped around her body in a warming embrace. She reaches over to the end table and punches a few buttons on the recording device and starts to speak.
... I am Grey. I stand between the candle and the star...
"My training in the path of the Grey continues, under Noel's tutelage. Life has never been clearer to me before in my life. I am still learning from him about the true nature of the Force, not the false constructs of "Light" and "Dark" that the narrow viewed dogma Jedi and Sith forced upon it."
She plumps a pillow and leans back against it, basking in the warmth of the firelight.
"I have always maintained that there is no good without evil. There is no light without dark. There is no up without down. Yin and Yang. All in life is a balance. I'm happy to see finally that I was right."
... We are Grey. We stand between the darkness and the light...
"When one door closes, another opens. It's funny, the Jedi would consider me a Master by their standards, yet I am still learning the truth, not their narrow viewpoint of it. Noel tells me over and over that I am his superior with the saber... yet when he came over tonight, I showed him the new move I came up with out of desparation when I misjudged the strength of the pride of Xandaks that I was hired to clear out.. He ended up cleaning my clock. He doesn't take near enough credit for his skill with the blade. That move may come in handy some day, and I will do what it takes to protect those I love."
Devia laughs out loud around her mug of Chava.
"He'd be the first to laugh and tease me that I sound just like him, and I can't think of any higher compliment he could pay me. I asked him once if he thought I was a Seer, but he doesn't think so. My skillset is different. It makes me wonder, has there evern been a Jedi or Sith with the power of Empathy? I have to say, I have yet to find my limits now with the full power of the Force to enhance it."
"I think I've stated in my musings once before that when I focus inward, then expand outward, I can feel life around me. The flora and the fauna. I once heard Z talking to someone in the Cantina in Reilig Steppes about the trees on Dathomir, and it intrigued me. I've been out there since, and I have to say it was a most incredible experience. The trees on Dathomir are almost sentient. I spent the better part of a day in meditation in a quiet grove, communing with a different form of intelligence. I wonder... I wonder if some day, she and I might see eye to eye enough to talk about my experience there. Life needs balance, balance in the earth beneath our feet... so to Center... and so to ground."
Devia looks out the window of her house, taking in the beautiful sunshine of the crisp autumn day on Dantooine.
"I wonder what the trees on Dantooine would say to me if I tried to talk to them... I think I'm going to make a day of it as I have nothing to do except enjoy the beauty of the day that nature has given me... maybe make a camp. I know just the place."
... I am Grey. I stand between the candle and the star...
"My training in the path of the Grey continues, under Noel's tutelage. Life has never been clearer to me before in my life. I am still learning from him about the true nature of the Force, not the false constructs of "Light" and "Dark" that the narrow viewed dogma Jedi and Sith forced upon it."
She plumps a pillow and leans back against it, basking in the warmth of the firelight.
"I have always maintained that there is no good without evil. There is no light without dark. There is no up without down. Yin and Yang. All in life is a balance. I'm happy to see finally that I was right."
... We are Grey. We stand between the darkness and the light...
"When one door closes, another opens. It's funny, the Jedi would consider me a Master by their standards, yet I am still learning the truth, not their narrow viewpoint of it. Noel tells me over and over that I am his superior with the saber... yet when he came over tonight, I showed him the new move I came up with out of desparation when I misjudged the strength of the pride of Xandaks that I was hired to clear out.. He ended up cleaning my clock. He doesn't take near enough credit for his skill with the blade. That move may come in handy some day, and I will do what it takes to protect those I love."
Devia laughs out loud around her mug of Chava.
"He'd be the first to laugh and tease me that I sound just like him, and I can't think of any higher compliment he could pay me. I asked him once if he thought I was a Seer, but he doesn't think so. My skillset is different. It makes me wonder, has there evern been a Jedi or Sith with the power of Empathy? I have to say, I have yet to find my limits now with the full power of the Force to enhance it."
"I think I've stated in my musings once before that when I focus inward, then expand outward, I can feel life around me. The flora and the fauna. I once heard Z talking to someone in the Cantina in Reilig Steppes about the trees on Dathomir, and it intrigued me. I've been out there since, and I have to say it was a most incredible experience. The trees on Dathomir are almost sentient. I spent the better part of a day in meditation in a quiet grove, communing with a different form of intelligence. I wonder... I wonder if some day, she and I might see eye to eye enough to talk about my experience there. Life needs balance, balance in the earth beneath our feet... so to Center... and so to ground."
Devia looks out the window of her house, taking in the beautiful sunshine of the crisp autumn day on Dantooine.
"I wonder what the trees on Dantooine would say to me if I tried to talk to them... I think I'm going to make a day of it as I have nothing to do except enjoy the beauty of the day that nature has given me... maybe make a camp. I know just the place."
Cast your troubles on the sands of Mustafar...
"Why would anyone willingly come here for anything but working in the mining fields or a place for extreme physical training?" Devia thought to herself. "It's a good place to cast out internal conflict. You can lose your problems for a short while when fighting to save your life, that much is for certain."
Sitting out on the overhang over the lava falls at the Mesnix Mining Facility, she pulls a towel out of her pack, wiping the sweat off her forehead and the back of her neck. Frowning at the grime that covers it, she rolls it back up and stows it away again. Moving slowly, she pops the vertebrae in her neck and back, bringing some relief to her tension... but not all of it was physical...
"Conflict. Internal conflict. Yeah... I've had a great deal of that lately." She says out loud, causing one of the Mustafarian miners to look at her with an odd expression. Chuckling to herself she waves at the miner, confusing him more, she walks inside of the building, heading for the Cantina.
She orders a drink and sits in one of the back corner booths, her back to the wall so she can watch the entire room and her back at the same time. "Old habits die hard." She thinks to herself with a smirk. Gazing down at the amber liquid in the glass in front of her, then making sure that nobody was within earshot, she taps a few buttons on her datapad and starts to record again... talking about the past...
"He became my friend so quickly, and the pull twords him was almost magnetic right from the start. The night at the Jam when I showed up and danced for a while, I could almost feel his startlement when he looked at me for the first time as I danced on stage. I was not used to the attention he tried to pay to me, so I slipped out the door to avoid it. I was still too raw, not ready for the complications he could possibly mean in my life. *soft chuckle* How he managed to find me... actually, what was more impressive is how he sliced his way past the door locks to surprise me as I was working on my latest batch of armor. He just sat there and watched for a while... then we started chatting as I worked. He was interested in the manufacture of each piece. *laughing* The stinker managed to slip in several rather personal questions, and I was just as shocked to find myself answering them!"
She takes a long pull off her glass before she continues speaking quietly into the recording device.
"We saw a great deal of each other after that. Socially, that is. Lots of hunting, most of it on Kashyyyk in the Myyydril Caverns. Then one night after a particularly rough trip through, and lots of bumps and bruises.. Invited everyone over to soak in the tub and have something to eat... but he was the only one to accept.."
She smiles to herself as she remembers what happened that night, but decides not to go into great detail.
"We spent more and more time together after that. Days... and nights. *slight chuckle* That's when he started talking about how he was willing to change everything he was for me, to make me want to be with him, to change who he was right at his very core. I think that's what really.. well.. I wasn't ready to hear that from anyone. I wouldn't ever really WANT to hear that from anyone. If you truly love someone, you would never ask them to change, or expect them to change. That may have been why I drifted away from him... that's when Syclya turned my world upside down."
Devia drains the rest of her glass, then signals the waitress for a refill. Taking the glass from the young Bothan, she leaves a small pile of credit chits equaling the price of the drink at least 3 fold.
"I think he softened me up... started to break down my barriers, which allowed Syclya to come in and knock the walls down completely. I did love her, I thought she was Tai Shan because of how strongly I reacted to her advances, to her love. She told me that she wasn't in love with Cobb, but that she had always hoped that one day.. *sad smile* that she would have a chance with me. My heart melted for her the day I found Katana dead in the Janta Cave that was near to where Wildfire plains once stood. Kisal got me home, but Syclya took the remains. She buried Katana just outside of my Solace in Reilig Steppes. I still remember standing in the rain, looking down at the fresh gravestone, and finally telling her that I loved her. *a long pause* Little did I know that our time together would be all too brief."
She takes another large drink from the new glass in front of her, then continues.
"Syclya disappeared suddenly from my life.. We didn't see each other for long periods of time. But what hurt the worst was the reports I was seeing on the Alliance information net, that she was seen with Cobb again, in Imperial Armor, and was listed amongst their database as a new recruit. I tried to talk to her about it. A while later, I started feeling things about her. The "dark" side of the force was eating her alive from the inside. Sure, she was more powerful than I have ever felt her before, but she was no longer the Syclya I fell in love with."
Devia dabs at her eyes with the bar napkin, her eyes a bit red with the tears she refused to shed in public.
"A day or so later, I lost my Children to the Imperial Troops. I've always hoped that she didn't turn me in to the empire, I always wondered how they managed to track me down so fast. The trauma of that, causing my connection to the force to blossom into full power suddenly and painfully. I know she felt it because I heard her say "Be careful, Devia. I can feel that you've found the power within yourself. *pause* She knew I was near death. She knew I was in pain. She didn't come to my side. I was suddenly certain, she no longer wanted to be with me. I remember the conversations I had with her mind to mind.. I remember facing Cobb in Reilig, demanding that he let her go... to give her back. I remember his mocking tone when he told me that she had made the decision on her own to be with him... I realized finally that she had made her choice. I could only give her my love, but Cobb could give her so much more of what she longed for. It broke my heart, but... I let her go."
She finishes off her second drink and looks thoughtfully at the amber residue.
"I'm sure that Noel didn't mean those things he told me the other night at his retreat... I'm sure it was the Scotch talking.. we were both rather drunk.. I mean, why would he still think so fondly of us as a couple after our failure the first time around?"
She turns off the recorder... looking around, she starts to gather her things to head back to Dantooine... but she suddenly stops, one thought rings through her mind, causing it to spin.
"...Noel came to my side that night..."
Sitting out on the overhang over the lava falls at the Mesnix Mining Facility, she pulls a towel out of her pack, wiping the sweat off her forehead and the back of her neck. Frowning at the grime that covers it, she rolls it back up and stows it away again. Moving slowly, she pops the vertebrae in her neck and back, bringing some relief to her tension... but not all of it was physical...
"Conflict. Internal conflict. Yeah... I've had a great deal of that lately." She says out loud, causing one of the Mustafarian miners to look at her with an odd expression. Chuckling to herself she waves at the miner, confusing him more, she walks inside of the building, heading for the Cantina.
She orders a drink and sits in one of the back corner booths, her back to the wall so she can watch the entire room and her back at the same time. "Old habits die hard." She thinks to herself with a smirk. Gazing down at the amber liquid in the glass in front of her, then making sure that nobody was within earshot, she taps a few buttons on her datapad and starts to record again... talking about the past...
"He became my friend so quickly, and the pull twords him was almost magnetic right from the start. The night at the Jam when I showed up and danced for a while, I could almost feel his startlement when he looked at me for the first time as I danced on stage. I was not used to the attention he tried to pay to me, so I slipped out the door to avoid it. I was still too raw, not ready for the complications he could possibly mean in my life. *soft chuckle* How he managed to find me... actually, what was more impressive is how he sliced his way past the door locks to surprise me as I was working on my latest batch of armor. He just sat there and watched for a while... then we started chatting as I worked. He was interested in the manufacture of each piece. *laughing* The stinker managed to slip in several rather personal questions, and I was just as shocked to find myself answering them!"
She takes a long pull off her glass before she continues speaking quietly into the recording device.
"We saw a great deal of each other after that. Socially, that is. Lots of hunting, most of it on Kashyyyk in the Myyydril Caverns. Then one night after a particularly rough trip through, and lots of bumps and bruises.. Invited everyone over to soak in the tub and have something to eat... but he was the only one to accept.."
She smiles to herself as she remembers what happened that night, but decides not to go into great detail.
"We spent more and more time together after that. Days... and nights. *slight chuckle* That's when he started talking about how he was willing to change everything he was for me, to make me want to be with him, to change who he was right at his very core. I think that's what really.. well.. I wasn't ready to hear that from anyone. I wouldn't ever really WANT to hear that from anyone. If you truly love someone, you would never ask them to change, or expect them to change. That may have been why I drifted away from him... that's when Syclya turned my world upside down."
Devia drains the rest of her glass, then signals the waitress for a refill. Taking the glass from the young Bothan, she leaves a small pile of credit chits equaling the price of the drink at least 3 fold.
"I think he softened me up... started to break down my barriers, which allowed Syclya to come in and knock the walls down completely. I did love her, I thought she was Tai Shan because of how strongly I reacted to her advances, to her love. She told me that she wasn't in love with Cobb, but that she had always hoped that one day.. *sad smile* that she would have a chance with me. My heart melted for her the day I found Katana dead in the Janta Cave that was near to where Wildfire plains once stood. Kisal got me home, but Syclya took the remains. She buried Katana just outside of my Solace in Reilig Steppes. I still remember standing in the rain, looking down at the fresh gravestone, and finally telling her that I loved her. *a long pause* Little did I know that our time together would be all too brief."
She takes another large drink from the new glass in front of her, then continues.
"Syclya disappeared suddenly from my life.. We didn't see each other for long periods of time. But what hurt the worst was the reports I was seeing on the Alliance information net, that she was seen with Cobb again, in Imperial Armor, and was listed amongst their database as a new recruit. I tried to talk to her about it. A while later, I started feeling things about her. The "dark" side of the force was eating her alive from the inside. Sure, she was more powerful than I have ever felt her before, but she was no longer the Syclya I fell in love with."
Devia dabs at her eyes with the bar napkin, her eyes a bit red with the tears she refused to shed in public.
"A day or so later, I lost my Children to the Imperial Troops. I've always hoped that she didn't turn me in to the empire, I always wondered how they managed to track me down so fast. The trauma of that, causing my connection to the force to blossom into full power suddenly and painfully. I know she felt it because I heard her say "Be careful, Devia. I can feel that you've found the power within yourself. *pause* She knew I was near death. She knew I was in pain. She didn't come to my side. I was suddenly certain, she no longer wanted to be with me. I remember the conversations I had with her mind to mind.. I remember facing Cobb in Reilig, demanding that he let her go... to give her back. I remember his mocking tone when he told me that she had made the decision on her own to be with him... I realized finally that she had made her choice. I could only give her my love, but Cobb could give her so much more of what she longed for. It broke my heart, but... I let her go."
She finishes off her second drink and looks thoughtfully at the amber residue.
"I'm sure that Noel didn't mean those things he told me the other night at his retreat... I'm sure it was the Scotch talking.. we were both rather drunk.. I mean, why would he still think so fondly of us as a couple after our failure the first time around?"
She turns off the recorder... looking around, she starts to gather her things to head back to Dantooine... but she suddenly stops, one thought rings through her mind, causing it to spin.
"...Noel came to my side that night..."
